You scare me.

You have so many problems that I don't even know nor understand. I try not to give you any problems, which I never seem to have. My life is good, happy, and loving. I just feel so helpless not being able to help you at all. It's not my place to get involved anyway, I'm always here to listen. I feel good when you can vent to ME. I know you have probably said all you needed to say to someone else that understands better than me, but it feels good just talking to you. You are probably one of the strongest person I know. I know you say you aren't, but hey you are still here and healthy. You aren't doing stupid things right? I feel bad that you have so much things going on. I'm still trying to understand what you are going through. I know I should just worry about my life and leave yours to you. I'm still young, I'm still trying to learn, but I really hate it when you tell me 'You're too young to understand or hear this.' Makes me feel less than I already am. I feel like a baby around you. And every time we are together you know how I act. I go completely blonde whenever I am with you. Is that the reason why you thank I'm too young? Because I act like a total and complete idiot? Yeah I know you aren't comfortable telling me all of these stuff, but I am going to hear about things way worst one day. You should know that I can handle anything you tell me. I'm not trying to guilt you into explaining every single detail of your life to me. I just wanted to let you know that I love you with all my heart, and it kinda hurts knowing that you are about to crack, and please hang in there. Just know that I will support you in any RATIONAL decision you make.

Almost there

4 more school days until spring break. I can not wait. More opportunity for me to sleep and hopefully dream up something good. I've been lazy in school work. I don't care if I finish my homework, I don't care to turn it in on time. I had all A's last year, but this year I have majority of B's. Hopefully next year I don't drop down to C's. Considering I'm taking AP Physics, AP English, and Preap Algebra 2. I really hope I don't die next year. I hate school so much, SO SO MUCH. It's only because of the idiots that run around the damn school. I hate people. I am so mean this year, I don't give a fuck about anyone or anything anymore. I get so annoyed. This year is just not my year. I mean yeah this year I have been real with everyone, and like always I have no drama. I've also been a good friend, and not acting like a fucking dumbass like all the other girls in this school. I need to cut my nails it's freaking annoying typing. Ohkay so much better. I miss my bestfriend so much! He needs to come home! I remember when I was young I would always bitch about not being about to go out as much as I wanted to. But now that I am older I don't feel like going anywhere at all. Like what the hell right? I'm just too effing lazy to go anywhere to to do anything. I just feel like it's a hassle. Plus if I go out too much I wouldn't be as much fun for me than if I don't go out as much you know? I don't know I'm just rambling on and on about nothing. Still unsure about my future. Still don't feel like going to college. Go pre med? Ehhh I don't know anymore. I repeat I hate school, why would I want to go to college? This whole family wants us kids to make MONEY GOOD money. Well we just want to do something we LOVE. I love hair. I love pretty stuff. I love animals and I love FOOD. I also kinda like decorating(: Too bad I have no creativity in this fat head of mines. In cosmetology right now we just learned how to blow dry properly and straighten it properly. I can say that I am so beast at it. We also learned how to do virgin tint to darker, no base virgin tint, and bleach retouch. First semester I was also so beast at facials and manicures. What am I not good at? Lol jk. I just really good at anything cosmetology related.. so far. I'm getting fatter. Like seriously I have wings I can fly away right now if I wanted. I have a nasty gut man, and my double chin it's still there. I can work out right now if I wanted too, but that's not going to help unless I change my diet, and living with my mother isn't going to help. Her food is just too delicious! I feel fat. I'm still going strong. I'm still as confident as ever and I still have that high self esteem that lots of people long for. First semester I was so good on not caring what I looked like, because I have no love interest, not crushing on anyone. I didn't have to worry about all that stuff. Up until the beginning of this semester I started worrying about how I looked like and how I should put my face and what to talk about. All because of a cute boy in my class. It's ohkay we're just friends. I went back to the way I was after we started getting more comfortable with each other. I'm just so ready for the school year to be over with. I might be started driving school this summer(: I can't wait. I am so excited. I and probably going to get a car senior year >:B Cosmetology had a Quiz Bowl contest last month and me and these other 4 girls won first place! That means we get to go to Corpus Christi March 30 - April 2 along with a lot of other girls that had contests in different categories. I am so excited. Going to Corpus with cosmo girls is going to be crazy I just know it. I've also came to realize that I like Justin Bieber and I support anything he does. Like his new haircut? Thumbs up and Selena Gomez? Double the celeb love(: Selena is my favorite Disney Channel girl baby! My hair is getting longer! It's just to the bottom of my nipples. Not pass my boobs yet): I've been trimming my own hair! No more wasting my money at the salon on something I can do myself the way I want! No more waiting with damaged ends until my next hair appointment. I'm not styling my bangs as side swept anymore. I just split it in the middle or to the side a bit. I don't care anymore. My eyesight is going bad again. I find myself needed to wear glasses more often than usual. I actually wearing them right now... geezus. It's because of the iTouch, I just know it. Anyway I'm still alive and I am just as real as I was before. I love life.